Episode MMXXXIX – Bird of Doom

And so, we were brought before the palace of righteous justice wherein the religious scholars shall determine our guilt according to the ancient laws and pronouncements of the bringers of the true word. We stood before the gates waiting to be led inside for a day and then more until finally came forth a designate to read us the charges of which we are guilty and the punishments to be administered after the trial and condemnation. These we learned were failure to slay infidels with sufficient zeal, failure to stone immodest women who were not wearing proper attire, consorting with and then failing to strangle harlots for their sinful ways and a lack of bathing and insufficient prayer for which the punishment in all cases will be the severing of limbs followed by beheading and whipping, all to be carried out by the most holy religious police. Thereupon, and the designate pointed towards a tree on the branches of which was roosting, the most feared bird of doom that shall eat our flesh. How could we escape this terrible fate and achieve paradise? Tune in next time to The Voyage of Discoveries and learn what happens next. Same time. Same station. © mmg 2008

Episode MMI – Perdire

So that the blasphemers might be punished and enjoy the terror of fire and smoke, the Grand Seigneur of the Holy Frond did cause all those who removed the Grand writing from view and declared that they should not be seen as it offends their benighted eye and falsely defined morality to be cast down and to confront the molten grate and writhe in pain for what they had done. And, writhe they did, begging uselessly until they confessed the full measure of their fecklessness and morbid guilt. And, so we marched forward into a land filled with smug castigation fearing nothing but our failure to wield a steady hand on the cudgel. (From “The Voyage of Discoveries,” The history of the great proselytizing of the foul unbelievers and may curses fall upon those blasphemers who attempt to prevent its telling © mmg 2007