Episode MXXII – Holy War

Appearing before us in their finest raiment and effecting poses most fierce, they heathen displayed Gonnes most terrible and waved all manner of short sword and pike, while chanting the most despicable prayers and admonitions, telling us that we our message of salvation and redemption from sin must cease as it is naught but blasphemy and an insult and sacrilege. And, so they threatened us with great harm as well as beheading as well as stretching most foul. To correct these horrid words, we distracted them with foods and sweetmeats most delectable and when they were otherwise occupied treated them to the benefits of true faith and the blessing of confessions of guilt which they resisted until we applied the ultimate dispensation.

Episode XXIX – Feast

The wet and dripping woods in which we found ourselves caused us great sores but also gave up a rich bounty much needed. For, while we performed our sacred work of wresting confessions of guilt from the sacrilegious, we often had naught to eat and were famished. With joy, then, we found crustaceans most succulent in this damp ground and fell upon them with gusto even though we were often bitten and stung before subduing them in fierce combat and proceeding to throw them into our large and steaming caldron along with much fetweed and sorros also gathered form the forest floor. Would we have but heeded the admonitions of those inferior barbarians who we were attempting to convert by means of fire and whip as we would have avoided the wrenching pain that followed our gorging. These crustaceans were as unpleasant after eating as they were when first caught. Unbeknownst to us, they had wormlike venom most horrid.

Episode CXV - Marechal Grande

Standing on sacred ground and swearing a holy oath to set forth and bring accursed unbelievers to their knees to confess their guilt and seek repentance, the Marechal Grande proclaimed that all who shall follow him shall be blameless and free of taint and that they will foreswear the joys of the flesh and eat but grass and the morning dew so that when they bring down their sword on the neck of those who fail to reject their evil ways, they will know that theirs is the arm of righteousness, for is it not better to be pure rather than corrupted and is it not better to endure one’s own lash than to be at ease and free of pain. It is written in the record that the Marechal Grande’s promise was fulfilled and he and all who followed him perished in ways unimaginable.

Episode XII - From The Field Guide

Grymley - Fetid birds are these and often of foul mood as well, particularly when there is diseased and rotted flesh to be had. We encountered many of these beasts during our sojourn on various rocky islands. They became excited when one of our party became ill, screeching in anticipation of our poor colleague’s demise. To be sure, they have a most elegant gait. This particular beast was surprised and strangled so that it could be recorded for the record of Natural Philosophy to show how each beast is the manifestation of divine intervention, created spontaneously from the dust.

It is decreed that among our duties is to keep a record of the Natural History of the lands that we visit, taking particula note of beasteries that have cunning fur and feather and tooth and claw to be used for the enrichment of our sacred master. And, so this is from Field Guide IV.